I went for my lesson at Carlos' house in Highgate, and we went through my lack of finesse in my control. After I told him my situation of having to cram for my exams, he told me that the best thing to do is not to practise when I pick up the guitar, but rather just play simple pieces for pleasure. He also told me that he had just finished recording ALL the 80 exam pieces for the Trinity College of Music music exams, from Grade 1-8! ("Ok Carlos, that's 60 pieces done...only 20 more to go...", "GROAN....").

At night, rather than force myself to study physics, I decided to read about a physicist! I'm reading a biography of Andrei Sakharov, a Soviet physicist who went from being the 'Father of the Soviet H-Bomb' to a dissident who later got exiled from his country. It's a really interesting narrative of the circumstances in which he lived...born soon after the revolution, lived through Stalin's purges, got thrown into the turmoil of the Second World War. But what really interested me was the fact that even though he created doomsday weapons, he believed that it was to defend his country He was extremely concerned about the effects that the fallout from nuclear tests would have, and went to loggerheads with Kruschev to reduce the number of tests. Later on, he started to write in underground publications in criticism of the communist government.

An interesting thing is that his criticism of his government would not have had carried as much weight if he was not already reknowned for his work in nuclear weapons. This has a resonance in my current situation: I have been in turmoil over the ethics of doing something I am passionate about when there is so much trouble in the world. Perhaps this is some message that I should concentrate on science, build up a reputation and THEN only use that reputation to write and try to influence things? Of course, this pre-supposes that I am talented and brilliant enough to achieve a reputation of any sort. It is a field saturated with geniuses, and I don't know if I can make significant contributions.

Nevertheless, my biggest talent does seem to be in this field, and if I want to make a difference in the world at large, I should try to follow my talent first. Which means I'd better go back to my books now...