I seem to be losing hair more than usual. Oh joy.

Last week was probably the darkest time of my life. It was the fall break, which meant that most students had gone home. Although not that many of the grad students actually went home (mostly because 40% of the grad students are foreign), meals were not served in the week, so the focal point for social interaction was removed. So there weren't that many people visibly around the grad college.

I was already feeling extremely stressed due to the pressures at work, so I planned to commit myself to studying virtually full-time during the break, which wasn't something I felt like doing but I nevertheless felt I had to push myself to do. With the loneliness and my unhappiness thrown into the mix, something just snapped.

By Tuesday, I was feeling utterly weary of life, and would have welcomed eternal sleep. I just couldn't get up in the mornings, and when I did, I couldn't make myself leave me room, not even to buy food. I was spending hours upon hours sitting listlessly in front of my laptop, and now I can't even remember what I was doing in front of the computer. I was already undergoing counselling, but with my next session schedule for 2 weeks later, I felt there was nowhere to turn.

Eventually I did go to the health centre to request an urgent appointment, and spoke to a counselor. It felt much better to be able to let things out, and I immediately regretted some of the things I had done when I hit bottom. The next few days, I began to force myself to shut out my negative emotions and get something done, although it was still difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

Classes restarted today, and things felt so much better with everyone back. I wouldn't say that I'm happy at the moment, but I hope I never reach the depths of last week ever again.