I've been playing volleyball for UCL in my years there, except in the final year. I've had a lot of fun in volleyball, however it is sometimes frustrating because I didn't seem to be able to play to the best of my ability during games, and going to practices didn't seem to be improving my playing. In the final year, I was playing so badly that I felt I was being more of a liability than a help to my team, and in addition I just didn't have much time to play anymore, so I stopped playing.

I've also considered volleyball to be the most 'disposable' part of my life, i.e. it was the hobby which I was the least passionate about, even though being the perfectionist I still did my best to be good at it. I had assumed that after starting my PhD, volleyball would go on the chopping block as my time became more and more limited.

So I am surprised that nowadays I am playing volleyball more than anything else outside of my studies. After the torrid form I had experienece last year, it was a pleasant surprise to find that my passing is back to my old level (which is still not good enough), and I have rediscovered the joy s of throwing myself around the court to retrieve lose balls no one else can reach.

Volleyball probably isn't as good exercise as simply going to the gym, and I'm not as good at it as I am to playing guitar, but at this point in my life I feel the need to interact with people to avoid being drowned by unhappiness and self-pity.

I am not adverse to hard work. I'm not quite a workaholic since I'm inherently lazy, but I can put in the hours to get things done if that's what I have do. But there's something very wrong if I'm sitting in front of a homework for 5 hours and still have no clue how to do it.

This has been the case for ALL my homework in the past week, and I just don't know what to do. I can ask my classmates for help, but it doesn't change the fact that I can't actually do the work on my own.

I've never felt so stupid in my life.