Memo to self:

1. Do not play volleyball the day after running for 7kms at full speed.

2. Do not play volleyball for 4 hours at a time.

3. After playing volleyball for 4 hours, do not do it again 2 days later.

4. There are easier ways to kill myself than by exercising myself to death....

I have had experience of both public speaking and performing music in public, and between the two, I would regard public speaking as by far the easier. Even though even the most experience public speakers get nervous on-stage, I usually find that once if I have prepared for the talk once I start speaking I go on cruise-control, and it's no big deal. My trick is to regard the audience as a friend whom I want to inform or educate (although this illusion might not hold up too well when addressing a hostile debating floor!). Even without preparation, I find it easy to speak in public, simply by adopting a conversational style (although I have had my moments of using impromptu doses of rhetoric).

Performing music in public, on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish. One phenomenon which I find common to both performing and public speaking is the 'shakes' of the hand. In public speaking, shakes aren't noticeable unless its REALLY bad; when performing classical guitar, where absolutely perfect finger placement is required (especially in the left hand), shakes are a potential show-stopper. The moment before I go on-stage, not only do I get shakes, but all the heat flows out from my fingers, leaving them icy cold and stiff. This situation usually means that I make lots of mistakes and break the rhythm of my music, and this in turn makes me feel even more nervous and tenses me up even more, until in the worst-case scenario, my music turns into complete nonsense, or worse, a memory lapse occurs.

Part of the difficulty of performing in public might be traced down to lack of preparation. I have a tendency of performing music beyond my ability, or poorly prepared. In such cases, what little control I have over the music would simply disappear, and disaster will happen. Nevertheless, I have had bad performances of music that I have been playing for ages, and which I thought I was in full control of.

Music is a form of communication, and it can communicate emotions and feelings that cannot be expressed in words or any other way. When I play music, I touch a part of myself that I never express in everyday life, even to my closest friends. As I am normally so reticent and withdrawn (or at least hide away most of my innermost thoughts), it can be extremely difficult to get in touch with the inner part of my mind that guides my music when faced with an audience of dozens or even hundreds of people, all staring at me.

Tonight, I'm going to do a dry run of the recital with the residents of my hall, and it will be chance to gauge how well I am prepared, both musically and psychologically, for the concert next week. Wish me luck.