Physics with space science is cool subject, especially that bit where I tell people what I study in university and get to see their eyes widen. When I started this course, I wanted to become a planetary scientist or, possibly, an astronautics engineer, but that was over two years ago. Since then I have had gotten a much larger overall view of the various fields in physics and astronomy, of things which I have not heard of before university.

Nowadays, if people ask me what I want to do for grad school, I find it much difficult to answer. I find that inspiration comes most naturally to me when I think about the big picture about the universe: cosmology, the study of the past, present and future of the universe. It is a field in which some of the biggest names in science have been made (e.g. Messrs. Einstein and Hawking), and which have completely revolutionised mankind's knowledge of his place in the grand scheme of things. When I think of the field of cosmology, I get a tingle up my spine about the unimaginable size and scale of the universe, and the insignificance of mankind. There are many outstanding problems in the field, and I feel the solution of these problems will revolutionise science in the same way Einstein or Newton did. However, I'm not really interested in the observational aspect of astronomy, which often involves cataloguing distances of faraway stars, a glorified combination of photography and librarianship (with due apologies to my astronomer readers!). It's the gigantic intellectual challenge of theoretical cosmology that excites me, but on the other hand abstract mathematics isn't my true strength, and there's another thing.....

I have often fancied myself as a humanist, as someone who looks beyond the parochiality of my individual self, family, race and nation, for the good of all mankind. It has not gone unnoticed to me that there are many problems besetting mankind right now, which I shall not even go into, but suffice to say that I want whatever thing I do to be for the benefit of mankind (or humankind, for all you feminists). Cosmology is a really pure science, in the sense that it has no direct and obvious application, although in common with all pure science, there are always spinoffs, such adding to our knowledge of science as a whole which might help other, more practical branches of science. I have no doubt of the value of cosmology to mankind in general, but I think there are more immediate ways in which I can contribute....

There is a joke about nuclear fusion reactors: it is always 30 years in the future. It is a power source of dreams: the energy of the stars, with the main raw material almost freely available in sea water, and little or none of the political and environmental problems associated with most energy sources we currently have. There is, of course, the little problem that viable commercial fusion reactors are still a few decades in the future. There are many problems with making fusion reactors, and while a lot of progress has been made over the past decades, there is still a lot of ground to be covered, with a lot of obstacles in plasma physics and engineering to be overcome. However, the promise of nuclear fusion is something that I can work for in full conscience, in the knowledge that the work I'm doing will help solve a significant chunk of the world's problems. However, fusion research is a huge field, and as an individualistic person, I have doubts about how well I can work in a huge group (OK, maybe there's the egoistic aspect about wanting to get due recognition for work done, which might not be in good supply in large group efforts). Also, the work within fusion research won't be as intrinsically interesting as in cosmology, but there will be the satisfaction about the social benefit of the work done.

There is the large dilemma between personal interest and social worth of the work done, that I'm facing here. At the moment, it looks as if I will be going into fusion research, but there will be a lot more introspection and thought before I commit.